Gluten Free Baking (Lessons Learned)

If Going Gluten-Free was an Olympic event, I Was Ready to Take Home the Gold

  

~Brownie massacre from approximately 2 years ago.  

Finding out that Brian could not eat gluten only challenged my inner athlete and sparked a fierce competitiveness to defeat this Goliath (hear Eye of the Tiger playing in the background).  It had been 14 years since I'd competed in any athletic arena, and I'd forgotten how important training and preparation were.  I did the equivalent of walking out onto the basketball court in stilettos and a mini skirt.  I walked into the health food store with nothing but a desire to prove I could make chocolate brownies without using gluten, dairy, or soy (an keep the sugar low).  No list.  No research.  No knowledge of baking (which I would later find out is like chemistry).  Totally unarmed.  As one would expect, I tanked.  I practically got booed out of the kitchen, because chocolate brownies (just like sports) are all about the bottom line.

Lessons Learned:

1. All flours are not made the same.  You cannot simply substitute "all-purpose" flour with spelt flour...or oat flour...or rice flour...Whoever named it "all-purpose" wasn't really thinking.

2. Stevia does not substitute 1 for 1 with sugar.  If a recipe calls for a cup of sugar, you only really need about a teaspoon of Stevia.  That's why they can charge $10 for a box of individually wrapped Stevia packets.  Ripping open each and every packet in the box and dumping into a brownie recipe will be a waste of 10 minutes and you might as well dump a package of Fun Dip into your bowl (including the sugar dipping stick).

3. When no one in your family eats said brownies, don't freeze in Ziplocs thinking they'll taste differently in a few days or weeks when the Stevia mellows out.  And give up the guilt and regret for spending $25 on a batch of brownies.  This can be a cheap lesson about life if you choose to get over financial investments made into failed kitchen experiments.

4. Stop creating a goal to 'defeat,' 'battle,' or 'fight' this beast (ours was named Candida).  Hosting a war between your mind and body is like playing tug of war between your right and left legs.  Lots of pain and scars and it will rarely produce a winner.  I mean, really, who would you want to 'win' anyway?  Either way, you're sacrificing one of your legs.  Let go and start walking instead.

For those of you just starting your journey of going gluten-free ~ whether for yourself,  your spouse, your children, or your parents... we applaud your efforts to make a change.  You never know what that failed batch of brownies may lead to...For us, it has led to this great platform of service called Conveniently Natural.  Who would have guessed after those horrible hockey puck brownies?

Fat Pants

You know what I'm talking about...

  

...those pants you take on a vacation to wear home or the ones tucked in the way back of the drawer for those times that you "overcelebrated."  I recently joined a local running group and during my first run, someone asked what I was training for.  Many in the group are training to compete in marathons, triathlons, and other races.  Though I wanted to blurt out, "To zip up my pants," the question got me thinking...

A year ago, a friend and I challenged ourselves to make the Triple Chocolate Fat Pants cake from the Babycakes NYC Bakery cookbook.  Who could resist a recipe like that?  Finally...an (appropriate) occasion to wear my fat pants. 

How To Make $100 Cake

1. Purchase $24 cookbook with Triple Chocolate Fat Pants Cake recipe (two-layer chocolate cake topped with vanilla frosting and layered with chocolate chip cookie crumbles.

 

2.  Make grocery list of all 32 ingredients that comprise this 3 part recipe (frosting, cake, and cookies) and split shopping with baking partner.

 

3.  Turn on Finding Nemo for 3 children and put baby to sleep in bassinet.

 

4.  Start recipe with frosting mix since it requires 6 hours of chilling before use.  Replace first two ingredients with substitution (due to food allergies that prevent use of soy) and document.  Use mixer on unmelted coconut oil and document that oil should be melted next time.  Refrigerate.

 

5.  Review cookie recipe and divide recipe between partners - one assigned wet ingredients, one assigned dry.  When wet ingredient baker discovers that $11 jar of coconut oil that was purchased is not in kitchen or left in grocery bag, make dairy and soy free butter substitution.  When said baker discovers the end of vanilla extract bottle, decide to substitute with combination of butter and peppermint extract.  When dry ingredient baker admits that evaporated cane juice was nowhere to be found at the store, decide to substitute an eyeballed amount of brown rice syrup and agave nectar.

 

6.  Discontinue substitution documentation. 

 

7.  Finish remaining steps per instructions and bake.  Upon tasting, promptly throw away cookies and agree to purchase packaged gluten-free cookies for substitution.

 

8.  Begin cake recipe, substituting coconut oil and evaporated cane juice with aforementioned products.

 

9.  Feed children and baby.  Then find additional distractions for them to occupy themselves that involve being anywhere but the kitchen.

 

10.  Go look in trunk of car and discover lost grocery bag that has $11 jar of coconut oil.  Throw out cake batch in progress and decide to start over using melted coconut oil.

 

11.  Decide that children acting like monkeys are a  distraction and reconvene the next day after purchasing appropriate 

ingredients on grocery list.

 

12.  Make cake recipe as instructed.  Make cookie recipe with coconut oil.

 

13.  Layer cake with frosting and cookies.  Taste test and serve to children.

 

14.  Nearly go into diabetic coma after 3 bites.

 

15.  Add up grocery totals and decide that this is the best tasting cake ever made - half because of the name itself and half because you spent your entire week's grocery budget on one cake (made 2 1/2 times).