Fat Pants

You know what I'm talking about...

  

...those pants you take on a vacation to wear home or the ones tucked in the way back of the drawer for those times that you "overcelebrated."  I recently joined a local running group and during my first run, someone asked what I was training for.  Many in the group are training to compete in marathons, triathlons, and other races.  Though I wanted to blurt out, "To zip up my pants," the question got me thinking...

A year ago, a friend and I challenged ourselves to make the Triple Chocolate Fat Pants cake from the Babycakes NYC Bakery cookbook.  Who could resist a recipe like that?  Finally...an (appropriate) occasion to wear my fat pants. 

How To Make $100 Cake

1. Purchase $24 cookbook with Triple Chocolate Fat Pants Cake recipe (two-layer chocolate cake topped with vanilla frosting and layered with chocolate chip cookie crumbles.

 

2.  Make grocery list of all 32 ingredients that comprise this 3 part recipe (frosting, cake, and cookies) and split shopping with baking partner.

 

3.  Turn on Finding Nemo for 3 children and put baby to sleep in bassinet.

 

4.  Start recipe with frosting mix since it requires 6 hours of chilling before use.  Replace first two ingredients with substitution (due to food allergies that prevent use of soy) and document.  Use mixer on unmelted coconut oil and document that oil should be melted next time.  Refrigerate.

 

5.  Review cookie recipe and divide recipe between partners - one assigned wet ingredients, one assigned dry.  When wet ingredient baker discovers that $11 jar of coconut oil that was purchased is not in kitchen or left in grocery bag, make dairy and soy free butter substitution.  When said baker discovers the end of vanilla extract bottle, decide to substitute with combination of butter and peppermint extract.  When dry ingredient baker admits that evaporated cane juice was nowhere to be found at the store, decide to substitute an eyeballed amount of brown rice syrup and agave nectar.

 

6.  Discontinue substitution documentation. 

 

7.  Finish remaining steps per instructions and bake.  Upon tasting, promptly throw away cookies and agree to purchase packaged gluten-free cookies for substitution.

 

8.  Begin cake recipe, substituting coconut oil and evaporated cane juice with aforementioned products.

 

9.  Feed children and baby.  Then find additional distractions for them to occupy themselves that involve being anywhere but the kitchen.

 

10.  Go look in trunk of car and discover lost grocery bag that has $11 jar of coconut oil.  Throw out cake batch in progress and decide to start over using melted coconut oil.

 

11.  Decide that children acting like monkeys are a  distraction and reconvene the next day after purchasing appropriate 

ingredients on grocery list.

 

12.  Make cake recipe as instructed.  Make cookie recipe with coconut oil.

 

13.  Layer cake with frosting and cookies.  Taste test and serve to children.

 

14.  Nearly go into diabetic coma after 3 bites.

 

15.  Add up grocery totals and decide that this is the best tasting cake ever made - half because of the name itself and half because you spent your entire week's grocery budget on one cake (made 2 1/2 times).